My Room: Fit for a King

(not pictured: the family of spiders that chew up my neck every night)

Just thought I'd get this blog going by posting a picture of my badass crib.

You want to know how to live a healthy life? GET RID OF YOUR MATTRESS. When you sleep on nothing but a stiff board and a few springs, your outlook on life will change for the better. When you wake from your restless slumber, every morning greets you with a sore back and a stiff neck. You'll start off your day with this mantra in mind, "Fuck this fucking shit! The first person I see, I'm gonna punch him in the chest, turn em inside out and play his rib cage like a xylophone."

If you're one of those dumbasses that thinks those self-help assholes are gonna cure your lameness, you're wasting your time with that shit. Live with only the bare essentials (even less if you can) and all your worries will melt away. Welcome to my goddamn blog.